I’ll be honest:

I’m still stuck in the hole.

It just feels like shit.

And right now, I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Since being discharged, I’ve devoured pretty much every documentary about hospitals, anesthesia, rehab, and intensive care.

I now know about surgical techniques, anesthesia types, and the stories of people who’ve been through way worse – and still, none of it helps me right now.

I’ve also read the entire internet. And I mean entire.

Two links that really stuck with me:

👉 [MTB Forum](https://www.mtb-news.de/forum/t/achillessehnenruptur-achillessehnenriss.950327/)

→ 40 pages in 2 days. Fully inhaled.

👉 [Reddit /r/AchillesRupture](https://www.reddit.com/r/AchillesRupture/)

→ also fairly interesting

What I noticed:

In the MTB forum, there are mainly two types of people posting:

Those who completely drown in self-pity and spiral every day

→ they’re still in the thread months later, posting in despair.

And the others, who just did it.

→ One guy was back on his bike after 3 weeks, an older guy went on a big tour after 6.

→ Swimming, aqua jogging, small movements – instead of mental cinema.

Of course: that’s not a one-to-one comparison. Every healing process is different. Every surgery is different. Every mind is different anyway.

But one thing became clear to me:

If you dwell too long in your own misery, you’ll end up burying yourself.

That’s why I have to shut this down – tomorrow it starts for real.